How To Stop People Pleasing

Are you tired, listless, resentful ? Are you people pleasing again? 

• Are you saying yes when your heart is saying no?  
• Do you feel obligated to go along with the crowd?
• Do you feel angry and resentful of others because you do so much for them with not so much as a thank you?

Well if you answered yes to any of those questions, answer this.

Are you afraid to speak up for yourself or set boundaries?

 Many of us have been in this sort of situation. We may have been talked into something or stuck in having to do something we do not want to do.  We may have felt obligated or forced. And what about those of you who do things for others but not yourself? Here is a list of some feelings that people pleasers may have.

• feeling obligated to help
• wanting people to like us
• afraid to voice our true opinion
• afraid to stand out in the crowd
• afraid to be different
• unappreciated after "doing so much for others"
•  overburdened
• tired and frustrated
• resentful
• over committed
• invalidated 
• energy depleted
• angry

Had enough ? 

Here is what you do...a two letter word will take care of it. And if you could add a smile that would be a nice touch. the word is...

                        "NO"


or No. Thank you

If you say no will you feel guilty? Are you worried that people will think you are lazy or just don't care? 

Pssst.... It is OK to say "No".

www.deborahslittlegems.blogspot.com

People-pleasers “want everyone around them to be happy and they will do whatever is asked of them to” keep it that way.

~ Susan Newman PhD 

People-pleasers may be addicted to pleasing others or lack self-confidence or have co-dependent behaviors.  

This is a flashing red sign to those who like to take advantage of others. They will come to you like a magnet. 

If you are sick and tired of people pleasing, there is hope. You may be sick of it enough to want to change it, turn it around, and feel the benefits of expressing your true self.

Be True To YOU
Follow these 5 easy steps 

Next time when you get the opportunity to people-please,

1. PAUSE

           Just pause a moment and take a breath

2. FEEL WHAT IS GOING ON INSIDE YOU
       
          Feel what is going on inside you. If it is uncomfortable not to volunteer this is just because it is new to you. Remember what happens when you volunteer too quickly? You have reacted to these feelings in the past and done things you wished you hadn't . Now is the time to create a pleasant experience.


3. BREATHE

           Take a few deep breaths and let go of the impulse to step in and act. Shake it off.

4. JUST SAY NO.

            Saying no is not selfish. Saying no is a form of self-care. Say no silently to yourself or say a very polite and confident "no thank you" out loud.

5. SMILE and move forward don't look back

            YAY ! You did it !



Here is a good rule of thumb:

If it feels good, go through with it. Enjoy every moment.
If it doesn't feel good or if you get a tension in your solar plexus. that would be your body giving you a message not to do it.

It takes practice to change a habit.  Put yourself first.

In time you will regain your energy and reap the rewards of being your true self. There will be times you will truly want to help or volunteer. You can yes to that.

Thank you for visiting Deborah's Little Gems

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Until next time,
Remember it is OK to say no.

Deborah Moen
Deborah's Little Gems