12 Steps ~ Awakening Part 3

"God, please help me or I will die" and He did. 
God gave me the Gift of Faith
Art by Deborah Moen

12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous ~ Part 1

12 Steps ~ Part 2

And out of my mouth came " Dear God please help me or I will die." I wanted to live but didn't know how. Everything I tried was useless. Approaching my problem with the same information tumbling around in my mind, would never be a solution. I needed help. I was in an abusive marriage.

It is very human to do the same things over and over again and expecting different results. It is like banging your head against a door over and over. My dad had a saying, " Does that hurt? Don't do that!" But these episodes oddly enough become familiar and more comfortable than change.

After all, think of it. Who would you be if your were that safe, peaceful happy person with no more worry? This could be a very scary thought. Who would I be then? Lions and and tigers and bears....oh my! And I repeated my mistakes over and over again even though it was progressively more painful. I just kept getting up and dusting myself off and trying again.

The time came when the dust no longer brushed off. Stress took it's toll on my body and mind. My head was being bashed against walls and car windows as I tried to escape. My safety was threatened on a daily basis, but now, it was worse.  I had lost control of my nervous system and when my husband approached me I would go into convulsions from fear. The light of life within me grew dim.

One day I thought I would again try to make everything clean and perfect. Mowed the lawn, cleaned the house and had something special for the husband to eat before he went out to party. I looked really nice too. I wore my favorite light green shirt and black stretch pants. I had everything finished and decided to take a walk. My walk extended farther than usual and I found myself inside the expanse of the high school field. My eyes lifted and gazed at the blue sky and white clouds. Then, all of a sudden, as if someone pushed me from behind, I felt compelled to uttered the words, "Dear God, please help me or I will die". It surprised me and I looked around to see if anyone was there. This was the pivotal moment when I asked for help.

That moment on I felt strength not ordinarily my own. 20 years I had been living in fear and in the pain of abusive attacks. That night I saw clearer than I ever did concerning my situation. God had given me the Gift of Faith.

As I stood in the kitchen that night, there was an amber light shining on me from the north facing window and again I was fortified with clarity. That night, during a usually scolding, I saw that I would never change my husband, only myself. it was such a relief and this truth gave me protection from being harmed.

That night I gathered my things and left that marriage forever. I stayed in a Best Western and I just seemed to know it was going to be all right. Every thing I needed for my comfort came along,  a home, friends, and even guidance from counselors.

My husband sought help from AA via a hospital and I was invited as a family member to attend. I agreed because in my mind I wanted to get my husband well. I had no idea I had was part of the problem.  I even attended AA meetings to learn more. Later I attended a few Al-Anon & Codependents Anonymous meetings and bought and read the book by Melody Beattie  Codependent No More I also bought her book The Language of Letting Go I carried that book with me and it taught all about how to handle my emotions. The corners of the pages turned dog eared after a while.

A miracle is a change in perception. ~ A Course In Miracles

Looking back I feel moved to draw pictures, write poetry and marvel at the miracle of how it all came about that morning and how I was ready to ask for help. Help arrived. Everything I needed showed up and it has been that way ever since. 

That was 31 years ago. If you would like to read 12 Steps Part 1&2 here are the links:

12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous ~ Part 1
12 Steps ~ Part 2

Thank you for visiting Deborah's Little Gems 
Until next time, be well!

Deborah Moen

                                    
Art by Deborah Greeting Cards in my store Simple Spark are for sale

Breaking Free Inspirational Greeting Card
by SimpleSpark

Running Free Encouraging Greeting Card

A painting of a person running free after breaking through a brick wall is a metaphor for feeling the freedom of overcoming a difficult task or situation. You can use your own woods for this card to suit your situation.

Take My Heart Folded Greeting Card
by SimpleSpark

Take My Heart Folded Greeting Card

Colorful design of a young man giving a big red heart to a lady. Inside the card are small hearts and text that reads "Take my heart I am yours". Personalize this card with your own message option available.

Be Calm In The Storm Encourging Greeting Card
by SimpleSpark

Be Calm In The Storm Encouraging Greeting Card

A painting of person in a boat on a rough stormy sea with choppy waves headed towards the bright sun shining over the shore. Message inside reads: Be calm in the storm. Inside text "Have faith, row gently and you will safely reach the shore". Personalize this card if you like. 

Wild -Self Shamanic Greeting Card
by SimpleSpark

Wild -Self Shamanic Greeting Card

A woman stand high on a plateau with a rainbow arching overhead, beating the drum which express her real self. Coyotes exchange vibration below on the path as a raven flies by. Inscription inside quote by Deborah Moon Moen: The beauty of you is waiting to be discovered. You were always wild and free; full of love and life. On the first leaf of the card is a hand painted image of a drum inscribed below the drum: Listen to your heart. Customize this card with your own message.

Believe Inspirational Greeting Card
by SimpleSpark

Believe Inspirational Greeting Card

Inside this card " Believe in your dreams, they do come true"

Peace Be With You Ocean Shore Greeting Card
by SimpleSpark

12 Steps ~ AA Part 2

Deborah's Little Gems

 If you would like to read Part 1 go here: 12 Steps~Part 1 

Note: All views expressed here are the opinion and experience of Deborah'Moon"Moen

Entering into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous or any 12 Step program:

 The experience was like walking into a different realm. From the chaos of dealing with drinking and drugging to a well organized program. There is a secretary, a treasurer, a coffee maker, principles, steps and sharing, even a Big Blue Book to have for reference and study. A peer group materializes before our eyes. Once we were alone and now we are among others 100, 1.000, or more who understand and support us.


 It is the beginning of great transformation There are endless possibilities. It is all up to each individual to choose which path to take. While attending meetings, participants are asked to identify as an alcoholic before they share.

My Name is __________ and I am an alcoholic.

 Some Scenarios that may occur in the 12 Step Program:

• Some people may slip into their original pattern for many reasons but the reason may be because it feels better, more familiar and provides relief. Change can be frightening and stressful.
• Others remain in the 12 Step Programs because they continue to receive the benefits and support they desire or benefit greatly from helping others. 
• Some people believe they will always, in All Ways, forever be an Alcoholic and attend because they are afraid if they do not go they will go back to drinking.  
• Some people have a calling to explore the spiritual aspects of their being  More about that in 12 Steps the Awakening Part 3. 
  
  

Some Benefits of 12 Step programs: These are not in a particular order. And there are  many more benefits I have only mentioned a few here.

• It does feel wonderful to have support through the members and sponsors
• It feels wonderful to be a part of a group and witness first hand people who have overcome or managed their challenges.
• What is shared in the room stays in the room usually
• Gradually awareness emerges in different stages. The fog of denial is lifted as per individual perception and beliefs.
• It is wonderful to have some structure and a solution
• How wonderful to learn responsibility, to be of service
• Feeling the love of giving by placing $1 in the donation basket ( optional)
• Aspire towards helping others by attraction not promotion (being the change we would like to have for others)
• Feeling relief to have our mind diverted and to practice new ways of living.

For the first time I felt peace.

It was a Sunday meeting at a Gazebo outside a hospital, which had someone read the St Francis prayer and after the reading the room would go silent for 5 minutes. This 5 minutes of silence seemed impossible to get through at first. 

Regularly attending this meeting helped me overcome the fear of being still. I grew to love the St. Frances prayer and the peace of mind that 5 minutes of silence had given me. I learned the prayer by heart and was often asked to recite it from memory. In a room full of people who suffered from confusion, including me, this was a miracle. 

After many such meetings at the Gazebo, I had an opportunity to attend a 12 Step meditation on Sunset Beach far away from my home group. This turned out to be a very enriching experience which allowed me to sit quietly for 20 minutes. I actually experienced a dropping down feeling which almost sent me onto the floor. I found out later while sharing my experience with meditating during the meeting, that this was my body relaxing or letting go of yet another layer of stress or sinking deeper into relaxation. 

I eventually found a meditation class near my home at the Hsi Lai Temple in Hacienda Heights, California. 

You may like to read these posts

on my blog

12 Steps Part 1

12 Steps Part 3 The Awakening

Thank you for joining me on Deborah's Little Gems

Until next time, 

Be Well !



                           

Deborah Moen

12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous Part 1

Deborah's Little Gems

 The first formal steps I took  out of my chaotic life were the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Going back 31 years, at age 39, I took my first steps to freedom. I found my way to the meeting through a hospital program in which my former husband was attending. It was part of a hospital chemical dependency program commitment. I attended the CDC Program to support my alcoholic husband. He had promised to get help after I left the home after a spiritual realization I had one day. 

The 12 Steps are worded in a language from the 1930's  The more you read the Big Book and practice its teachings in your life, the more you come to understand it. If you want to learn about the man who began this organization of Alcoholics Anonymous, you can read about him and how he came to know Dr. Bob, here: http://www.steppingstones.org/billsstory.html it is a very good history read. 

You can look at the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous here. 

Or log onto this link https://www.recovery.org/topics/alcoholics-anonymous-12-step/

More of my personal experiences with 12 Steps :

12 Steps AA Part 2

12 Steps The Awakening Part 3

  
Thank you for visiting Deborah's Little Gems

Until next time, 

Be well !

Deborah Moen

                                                                 

Worried About Someone's Drug Or Drinking Problem?

Photo by Marcello eM
www.freeimages.com # 1238689-63

Those of us affected by an alcoholic or a drug user can suffer. We can worry on how to help our loved one recover. We may be thinking, " If they could just stop using or drinking everything would be okay. We may lie awake at night figuring out how to cure them of this disease or make everything easy for them, so they do not get upset or abusive. We may even resent them and fill our days with a victim mentality. 

We have heard all their excuses and some of us believe them even after multiple episodes of * “falling off the wagon". We so desperately want to believe them and feel sorry for them that it is easy to believe their promises. We hope and wish and pray they would be normal as our lives would be so much easier. 

*The phrase "back on the wagon" refers to one who quits drinking and hops on the band wagon, with a positive spirit. In other words one who is happy not to drink. Relapsing into alcoholism is often sudden and unintentional, hence the description of "falling off the wagon".

Photo by fcl1971
www.freeimages.com # 1631122

Friends or family members may be

•  enabling this person by handling their responsibilities 
• We may lie to cover up what is going on in the home
•  We may allow them to overstep their boundaries with us. 
• We may even depend on them so much for our livelyhood, health insurance, house payments, companionship that we put up with the cycle of abuse.

Photo by Franco Giovanella
www.freeimages.com # 1230034

There is hope. Family and friends of a drug or alcohol abuser can attend Al-Anon meetings. You not only learn more about how you can help yourself and the abuser, you will find you are not alone. 
Go to the Al-Anon website and find a meeting near you https://al-anon.org/

DeborahMoonMoen
Self-Created Health Mentor

Thank you for visiting Deborah's Litte Gems (41,935 page views)
Until next time, 
Be Well.